Mother’s Day has always been special to me and it is because of my children.  To watch them grow from day one and meet the challenges in life and conquer their fears.  The lessons they taught me, the joy, love and caring they shared is immeasurable.  When God made mother’s he blessed the world!  My beautiful daughter DeDe was born to be a mother, the most important factors in her life were her boys Luke and Ryan.  She devoted her life to guiding them, pushing them ever so gently and supporting their efforts.  Her ability to find the perfect father for their sons was an effort she pursued and achieved!  He too saw the specialness of this woman, friend and love of his life.

My mother was special to me, besides a mother she was a friend, one that shared so many life experiences.  I learned to cook, sew and yes clean from her.  I learned about love and discipline, and I learned to go after what I wanted to achieve in my lifetime.  I miss her and as she and I shared Mother’s Day and my Birthday once in awhile it made the day even more special.

Last year DeDe gave me a beautiful card on which she wrote that she had a great teacher in me as her mother. The verse was about all the nice things mothers do, helping with the hair for school pictures, being there on the special days, like school graduations or recitals that allows them to share, the planning for the wedding and then the wonderful day when she is there to assist you and share in the arrival of the new birth of their children.  Then she hand wrote, “I chose this card because it says what I feel, but I really wanted to get the one that says a Good Mother lets her children lick the frosting from the beaters, but a really Good Mother unplugs the mixer first.”

I will have a wonderful Mother’s Day even though you my special DeDe will not be here physically, but the memories of the times we have shared, the joy you gave me in choosing me for you mother, and the heart full to overflowing with Pride at the lovely woman, friend, daughter and mother you were.

I also want to acknowledge another terrific mother, my daughter-in-law Cheri, who has always shared her love and the love she has for my son Mitch.  Together they are raising two children and are doing a great job, and should proudly embrace and give thanks for this wonderful opportunity to be a Mother and Father!

I love you all and am so proud to be your Mom!

In July 1966 I became pregnant with my second child, for nine months I carried this little one close under my heart not knowing for sure if it was my little girl or a baby brother for Mitch.  On April 4, 1967 after a nine month wait and so many dreams our beautiful baby girl arrived.  For 44 years she completed our family, filling our lives with joy, laughter, love and so many precious moments.  She experienced so much in her short life, starting out rather shy but so self-assured she was always destined to become a leader more than a follower.

She loved animals and the outdoors, enjoyed camping at a young age and all water sports especially learning to water ski at Lake San Antonio which was just a few miles from our home in Lockwood.  Recently her dad mentioned his memory of DeDe sitting in the dug out tree of a boat in the Atlantic ocean when we lived in Panama.  She would sit there watching the bubbles from Andy and Mitch’s scuba tanks, that is probably when she first discovered her desires to dive and learn about the world so hidden from so many of us.

She took part in 4-H and raised a couple of pigs, she loved bringing hers into the house after she gave it a bath, but it was always a little hard to sell it at the auctions because they grew into her heart.  Maybe her desires to travel came from that time in her life when she was a military child and our travels to Panama, she loved the people and the area.  She enjoyed church and she and we all took an active roll in learning about life and our spiritual beliefs, she and Mitch were active members with the Youth for Christ and experienced so many fun activities sharing with others.  In grade school DeDe joined the King City swim team and enjoyed challenging herself in beating her own records as well as setting new ones.

She was the mascot for the highschool football team, a big Blue Mustang and she cheered and encouraged the crowds at the games and supported her friends and team members.   She ran track and was great at the Hurdles, her long legs supported her well as she cleared with ease often with an occasional bruise on a shin or knee.  She joined ROTC and survived bootcamp and excelled in many of the challenges that time of her life presented.  DeDe seemed to have a natural gift of being a wonderfully caring and supportive person, whether it was as a friend, sister, daughter or the rare stranger.  I have so many stories and am so proud to have been allowed the gift of being her mother.

When she graduated from Fresno State she was a school teacher and she loved her students, I recently came across folder and notes from that time in her life, the cards she had saved from students that loved her.  She moved on to become many other forms of a teacher when she gave birth to her two fantastic young sons.  She and David were so proud of them and each other.  To witness them as a couple was inspiring to me of such a special shared love for each other and together to all that shared with them.  Aquasafaris and the scuba school again let her share her talents and gifts while encouraging students as they too pursued underwater adventures.  As an adult she allowed me the privillege of helping her prepare for her wedding, be present as Luke and Ryan arrived and to let me be their Nana a gift I will cherish my whole life.

July 2011 was the saddest day of my life, when my world changed in such a devastating way and for these past nine months I have been living each day in memory of all of those years and the great adventures I was able to share with them.  The nine months waiting for her arrival was filled with anticipation, some worries, and with a love that grew there under my heart and grew into it, I have been so blessed and as this 4th day of April draws near I asked myself why I am sad and know it is because I MISS her so very much, my heart while so filled with love breaks as I know I can’t pick up the phone and hear her voice, can’t put my arms around her and sing to her ears.  However; I can remember, I can love, I can sing and know she will hear, and I can feel her arms around me and I can almost hear her say “Mom, I’m sorry” but know we are all okay and send our love!  For those who don’t know, DeDe was named after both her grandmothers “Dorothy”, the meaning is Child of God!  Though she went by her nickname DeDe, she truly was a child of God and a blessing to us all.  Happy Birthday my girl, my love continues to grow and my heart is so full.  Love, Mom

“I wanted to share this photo with you. In celebrating Ryan’s birthday I made this “card” and we attached a necklace from the Dominican Republic….we knew how he loved his necklaces!

We went to the bench on Friday morning and wiped down the bench and attached the card. Ron and I sat there for about 30 minutes and talked about and remembered Ryan. It was a beautiful sunny day and the ocean was sparkling like a sea of diamonds. Off in a distance the sea lions were making a lot of there “talking” noises. We think of them all so often and miss them so much.”

We miss them too and not a day or night goes by when I don’t think about them.  I still remind myself about the tragedy even as I’m dreaming and I immediately wake up hoping that it was all a dream.

A poem by Wayne (Woody) Kenney, David’s SCUBA instructor.

Grey skies reflecting sorrow off wind blown waves.
A Family lost, remembered in the breeze.
Of sunny days below Egypt’s Red Sea.
Glowing sands down Mexico way.
Smiling, happy faces of those Four,
Our hearts will ever endure. Blue skies, fly away.
Loving Life, always adore.

Peace, IMWood

Left, Ryan on the day he was born.

March 2, 2001, found the Houghton family of three heading to the birthing center in Santa Cruz to welcome Ryan David.  I remember I was driving from Sacramento and it was 4:30 am and I was hoping I would get there before he made his entry to this world.  Well, he arrived just moments before me (think I was parking the car).  When I entered the room everyone was beaming and Luke was chattering nonstop about his new brother.  Our little man with his green eyes brought joy to our hearts that day and everyday of his life thereafter.  

Left, Ryan as Michael Jackson.

In his 10 1/2 years he shared so much, I especially loved the cuddling hugs and sweet I love you messages he always offerred.  The many nights we layed in bed me telling him and Luke stories that usually were made up as I went along, and an occassional laugh from them if I dozed off.  He was a practical joker and loved playing pranks or tricks and his laughter and sparkle in his eyes always made these moments memorable.  He was great at Knock Knock jokes, or some that he just made up, he loved sneaking up and startling me.

I remember when I showed him how to make fried cheese and DeDe thought that was not so healthy, and his reply was “we cooked the fats out of it”!  They loved cooking and baking and I loved sharing the time with them!  Ryan loved his big brother and shared well with him, oh yeah they had their moments but hands down they were always there for each other.  He travelled to many foreign lands and played with children there, whether it was soccer or tag they mixed well.  He always stood out with that very blonde hair, those sparkling eyes and that joyful laugh.  I am so thankful that I was there when he proudly received his white belt in Kung Fu, he moved so smooth and sure of every move.

Left.  Ryan buried in the sand with Luke and the family.

He loved the beach and the Boardwalk, and we shared many hours there playing and riding the rides, then we would go look at our pictures which were always funny!  He thought it was really funny when someone (not him) got drenched on the log ride. We shared squid and especially enjoyed the “fried spiders” and Ryan loved clam chowder in a bread bowl.  The Christmas that Ryan won the Disney Million Dream at Disneyland was a once in a lifetime experience that he shared with not only he parents and Luke, but his Uncle Mitch, Aunt Cheri, cousins Grant and Bailey and Nana. He was the Honary Grand Marshall of the parade and the entire family led the parade in Walt Disney’s old fire truck.  I still see the kids standing in front of a mirror in the Mickey Mouse Penthouse as they talked with and joked with Mickey. We spent one night there and could not believe how many televisions there were, even one in the bathroom mirror.  Ryan was blessed with a life full of excitement and travels, and he was a very appreciative and thankful boy.  He was a good friend and loved sharing his time and toys with his many close buddies.

His most recent accomplishment was getting certified as a scuba diver in Bonaire just weeks before the plane accident.  Yes, the love and precious moments shared with you our Ryan will provide me with the strength and courage I need to continue with my life living much of it in the memories of the special times we shared.  Thank you my wonderful young grandson, I am so very proud of you and who you have been in this wonderful world.  I will always celebrate March 2nd with you and share with you in my memories of birthdays shared until we again are together one day!  I know your day will be celebrated with many family and friends in heaven, and hope you know you are being remembered by many here.  Hugs and Love forever, Nana

The bench overlooks Cowell’s beach and is located at the parking lot near the entrance of the Wharf.  For those that need an exact address, I think this will put you within 100 feet if you use Google maps: 49B Municipal Wharf, Santa Cruz, CA.

The beach is special because the family has a lot of memories from here.  Day On The Beach with the Handicapped Scuba Association took place at Cowell’s Beach.

David and I used to surf there a lot when we were young teenagers.  The picture to the left is David when he was about 15 and it is shot against the foundation pillars of the Dream Inn hotel at Cowell’s beach.  We used to spend time sun tanning there and he would practice his maneuvers for tandem surfing.

Not far from there, David and I worked at the Boardwalk.  He was a ride operator and had a lot of fun with his co-workers.  They played a lot of jokes and they shot each other with whipping cream.  He was a popular guy.

If anybody has any stories about the family and the significance of Cowell’s beach, please leave a comment below.

Left – A shot of David opening a present at Christmas.  He looks three and a half years old.  That’s me (John) in the background, about one and half, and my sister (Cathryn) to the right (almost five years old).

It never ceases to amaze me about what a terrible thing it was that happened over the summer.  I think about them every day and find myself comparing everything to them.  For example, if I come across something that I wrote before July, I want to go back and tell myself, “Hey, this was a time when you could have dropped everything and gone to see them.”  I really miss them and it still hasn’t sunk in – everything that has happened.

Sometimes, I would only see them twice a year, and definitely not at Christmas time.  They were always on a trip.  I think resorts offer steep discounts (for the holidays) and so David would always try to take advantage of that by taking a group or taking his family.  Because they were always gone at Christmas, this has been a normal holiday, although Thanksgiving was hard.

I remember many years ago, when Luke was 6 and we were having Thanksgiving at my parents house.  I wanted to do Luke a favor by helping serve him food, but he got mad at me and started crying, “I wanted to do it myself!”  I tried to tell him that I was just being polite by helping him – he sort of bought it, but he still wanted to get his own food.  He was very independent!

Do any of you have memories of the Houghton family to share?

As 2011 comes to an end, I have been trying to decide how to write my Christmas letter!  So much has happened in this year, starting last January I said my farewell to my baby sister Nancy as she gave up her fight with this earthly life, a week later my job ended and I found myself retired with much time on my hands.  I was starting to look at my future and what I should do with the rest of my life, or at least the rest of the year.  In February my dear friend and first boss in Nevada County Maggie Smith passed from this life,  again leaving a question about life’s purposes and circumstances.  I was considering a possible move, to get closer to family and David talked to me about a possible change to moving to their property in Baja Mexico at least a few months out of the year, a place they loved and they assured me that they would fly down and spend probably more time with me then they did living 4 hours away.  Circumstances again played in my delay from making that decision.  Mitch, Cheri, Grant and Bailey still live within an hour and a half from me and I wondered how I could move away and leave them for longer times.  Mitch is still working for Steritech and is doing very well and has expanded his area to Oregon, Washington, Idaho and Nevada as well as the northern California region.  Cheri continues with her job and home they stay busy with the many activities Grant and Bailey are involved in.  Bailey enjoys softball and is on the summer and winter leagues.  Grant is a sophmore and very involved with highschool, and enjoys spending time with his friends and is looking forward to getting his driver’s license next spring.

On July 7th, life dealt a blow that has changed our lives forever when we lost our David, DeDe, Luke and Ryan in a tragic airplane crash.  Daily I ask myself why and have to call upon my faith and trust in God to find a peace that allows me to continue to count my blessing and cherish the love that they shared with me!  I miss them and they are constantly in my thoughts.  As Christmas comes I find myself thinking more about Gods love and I am so thankful for all of the angels he has sent to love and comfort me.  Their many friends shared their love in each picture and each gesture they did when they put together the celebration of the four lives and they continue to remember and support in their sharing.  I have been blessed with many new friends and the renewal of old friendships.   I find that music and songs bring peace and help me focus on this love, the friends and family that are here to support and care so lovingly.  Their lives were so full of adventure and wonderful moments, they touched so many where ever they were.  Friends they had many and enemies none!  This boys knew of love and peace and are a big part of my Christmas picture this year.  My wishes are for us all to continue to build memories, live life to the fullest and share your love because  we never know when that is what we will have left. Thank you to all of you my angels and we all wish you Peace and love this holiday season and in the New year.

I knew my brother for 43 years and I miss him the most.  You could say I spent more time with him than any other person in my life.  I was with him all through my childhood.  In going through his things, my family found his little red jacket from when he was a child.  In the right side, it has a hole in the pocket for his right hand because it wore through.  When I saw the jacket last week, I broke down and was inconsolable.

Pictured above looks like a picture of us in Italy or France (I’m not sure) looks like 1979 or 1980.  Sorry that the photo is black and white – our jackets are red – I had one just like his but smaller.  David in the middle, me on the left, my dad on the upper left and my sister on the right.  None of us picture perfect, but that was David in the jacket he wore with us all through Europe.  He wore the jacket 1976 – 1980 and we toured Europe many, many times per year like that.  I spent a lot of time, shoulder-to-shoulder with him as we went though Europe, touring in our white family car.  Others of my family feel the same way and enjoy holding the jacket when we feel like we want to be near him.

We wept bitterly when we found the jacket that he had kept since he was a boy.  In some ways, I can still hear his voice.  It wasn’t long ago that he was just saying “hi” to me.  DeDe had a higher voice and she was always asking how things were going, especially with the baby.  Luke always had a story, full of interesting and accurate facts, with his voice inflected up at the end of his sentences, but in the last factual sentence, he would end it down (with a subtle sense of authority).  Ryan was sometimes showing me that he was better than I, so we traded friendly barbs.  Pretty confident for a 10 year old.  Ryan loved babies most of all.  He loved my daughter more than life itself.  I really miss them…

Click Here to Read Tribute On Handicapped Scuba Association Site

I did not sleep real well last night, “Tossing and Turning” and yet I would not let myself get up because I know I need to sleep!  So as I layed there I thought and thought and then realized that my being was guiding me yet again.  I dozed for a short while and when I woke realized that I needed to write another message for my blog friends and share yet another story about this process of grief.  I continue to realize that I am not alone in this process and all of you that are reading this have your own stories of grief and of where you are today.  That is why I am calling this “Moving On”, and will share part of me.

People ask me how I am!  I respond ok, but have my moments!  They ask me what I have been doing this past two months! I guess I could ask this of each of you too!  This story may bring back the tears, but I have come to know and realize how tears are ok, they help to relieve and release the pain.

For almost a month I was here in DeDe, David, Luke and Ryans home.  Often I sat here feeling them and remembering.  Sometimes I pretended it was all a dream, but each day the reality sank in.  I went home for a few days and felt lost and needed to return to these rooms so full of them.  It has been healing for me, and to be honest I don’t think I will ever be totally emotionally well again.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to share their home while learning to live again without them.  But now we are all moving on…each new day something takes us away from this sad place of missing and remembering. We have been going through their lives by sorting their belongings, every room holds some special item that one of them lived with, whether it be in the kitchen and the dishes they ate from, or the food in the cupboards (they did eat healthy), looking out the window and seeing life outside the house and knowing that this was view they saw each day.  In the bathroom seeing their toothbrushes or looking at the bathtub you know they used…I can still hear the shower running early each morning.  The boys room and their individual treasures, legos so many sets, magic cards, pokemon, dinosaurs, books and knowing that these were touched by them and hours of enjoyment they shared with their friends or quietly alone.

The clothes in their closets or dresser drawers, I smell them and can still see them wearing them.  Sorting socks for a family of four was a task of its own, but important to me.  David’s workboots his dirty work jacket, I couldn’t move them from the place he left them.  DeDe’s organization of so many aspects of the house surprised me many times.  How did she ever find the time to keep up with photo albums (she did have lots and lots of loose pictures and slides), for the family, and each of the boys individually.  Their love of their life almost shouts from the walls, yet it is in a comforting way.

We ask ourselves what are we going to do with all of this, their belongings the items that were them an important to them, and we don’t really have an answer and take each day at a time.  You feel you don’t want to throw anything out whether it be a paper or drawing that one of the boys did and DeDe saved for them. Or one of their pieces of art, a part of them they left in their creations.   But you also realize that we none of us have room to store everything even though it was a part of them.  This is where the pain in letting go really re-enters our days.

I just finished reading the book “The Long Night of Mourning” by Janis Ost Ford (A Santa Cruz resident that wrote about her loss of her mother and her companion, her brother, his wife and their 4 month old baby girl on the Alaska Airline crash in 2000.)  Thank you Janis for gifting copies of this book to us during this time of our grieving.  In the back of the book was a cd with a few songs on it.  One I want to share here the words:

“Light up the Sky, by Jessica Baron Turner

I, heard you laugh close to the end, when all your good-byes were forever
Welcoming fate into your arms, and holding her close as if she were your lover

Chorus:  Long after the stars go out, Long after they die
Long after the stars go out, they light up the sky

Places in town are all closing down, except for the weary survivors
But the music you made remains in our hearts, We’re listening now, and will listen forever.

Chorus:

Now you are gone, and we’ve all moved on,  But every last friend still remembers
The joy in your voice, that spark in your eyes, You’re lighting the past like some eternal ember

Chorus:  Long after the stars go out, Long after they die
Long after the stars go out, they light up the sky

Thank you Jessica for your beautiful words and song.

As we all move on WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER and CONTINUE TO LOVE!